1
• 

  lily said,

  hi sweetie,
  boy did you speak my mind. EVERY morning I have been havinng to walk him INTO his class in the morning why? because every morning we do the same pattern, he cries that he doesnt want to go to school, his daddy gets mad, i try to talk with him, and he is forcefully taken to school.
  every morning one of the moms from school calls me, telling me that Izeah is down the block, or he ran away the opposite way.
  this is an EVERY day thing.

  I have tried talking with school staff, doctors, coiunselors, for some reason they don’t see the seriousness that I see and go through every morning.

  He has told me every reason, that he hates how the other kids make fun of him, or treat him, or “some” teachers scream at him (for this one the doctor said that because of autism, some kids are extremely sensitive to loud voices or changes in tones) so one teacher being frustrated can be to him her screaming her head off.

  meds, talking, comforting, nothing seemed to work, yesterday same thing, his daddy thought he was ok, dropped him off at school and I had to run because a mom called me telling me he had walked off of school and was hiding under the bushes.

  My mind works a million miles an hour, trying to come up with fast solutions to his problems, what HAS been working these last few times that I have dropped him off is a “courage cookie”
  I wake up a few minutes earlier, I go through the “i dont want to go to school episode” and once he calms his nerves, I tell him we are going to try a cool thing this morning. we are going to make a “courage cookie” he gets to help wich helps him, and we get the pieces together (store bought cookie dough) and he adds his own number of chocolate chips that he thinks he will need.
  we bake and he eats one on the way to school and one while we’re walking into school. on days his anxiety is out of control, we just walk to his class instead of outside where kids have to line up.

  I know it’s not the healthiest of breakfasts, but i have tried everything, even breaking down at the principals office because i dont know what else to do, last quarter he missed 30 out of 48 days of school. this quarter he hadnt missed a single day exept today, but he’s got a fever.

  good luck hun, I know the struggle, if you ever want to talk, email me and ill send you my number as well if you want.
  HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  lily´s last blog ..This mommy NEEDS to have her Life Simplified!!!!!!!

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 21st, 2010 at 10:10 am

  You know what Lily that makes me feel better! Dakota has missed 26 days so far this year. I am lucky if I can even get him to school on time. I don’t understand and I wish he could identify things more. I am happy when he can. I just feel so frustrated. I cried today because it broke my heart just to walk away but I knew I had to. I know he will be ok at school and I know the teacher will call me or email me. Does your son get a lot of fevers?

  [Reply]

2
• 

  LaShan said,

  Stacie I feel so bad for you both…. I feel your pain from reading your post and I just wish so badly that I had an answer for you. You are such a loving and wonderful mother and I know how frustrating it can be to want to help your child and just not know the answer to the situation.

  I do know that every child goes through not wanting to go to school and I think it’s wonderful that you are being so extremely patient in dealing with it on a daily basis. You’re an amazing lady and I am in awe of your perseverance and determination in doing what is best for your son. Love and patience can go such a long way and you definitely give plenty of that.

  I can’t remember if you and Dakota see a counselor but maybe one who specializes in dealing with autistic children and their families can help both of you find the problem and a solution. Sometimes it takes someone not involved emotionally with the situation to see things more clearly.

  A Lil Enchanted,
  ~LaShan~
  LaShan´s last blog ..Music Monday – Nightbird by Stevie Nicks

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 21st, 2010 at 2:37 pm

  Hi LaShan! I talked with the counselor that comes in the house today. Her and I both agree that Dakota would do better in a smaller class room with less stimulation. The Elementary school does not have a Special Ed room that these kids can be in all day. The school expects them to be in the classroom all day and only pulled out at certain times. She is checking into a few things. Then we are going to call another IEP meeting. The teacher emailed me and said he didn’t want to go to music. Every time you ask him you get a different answer. He don’t know what it is. It’s when you tell him he is going to school the anxiety starts up. He is fine before. I think there is much more then just music. So we shall see what happens. I will be asking the Doctor his thoughts Monday and then when he goes to Madison.

  [Reply]

3
• 

  Janine said,

  Oh I feel for you. I’m lucky that my son has a TSS go to school with him all day and she’s able to tell me things that he is not. The only advice I can give is to ask someone at the school who you trust. Maybe someone there (even another student) can help you track down what’s causing him to stress out.

  *hugs*
  Janine´s last blog ..Berry Jane Leggings Review and a Code for You!

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 21st, 2010 at 2:38 pm

  I can ask another student whom I know. I think it’s just too much stimulation and to many kids for him to adapt too. We are looking into see what more can be done.

  [Reply]

4
• 

  Thom said,

  Stac I don’t know what to say not having a child myself. A lot of kids just don’t like school period over and out and maybe Dakota’s autism adds to that but I don’t know. Have you ever thought about home schooling him? I don’t know if that’s a possibility or not. I also, and this is my bad, is there a school that just deals with autistic children that you could enroll him in? I’ve never been clear on what school he goes to. I know as a mom it does break your heart to have to go through all of this and I think you are doing a wonderful job. Sometimes I think we need to have tough love and try and remove your motherly instincts when it comes to him going to school. I know that is probably not an option because as a parent how do you do that. But don’t beat yourself up over this. People I’m sure are listening and it’s just a hard medical condition to have to deal with that there are no clear cut answers. Also have you thought about taking him to a totally different doctor to see about the meds? So many questions and so many go unanswered. Hang in there my friend. Know you are doing the best you can
  Thom´s last blog ..What African Animal Are You?, New Airport Scanners, Women’s Ass Size Study and What a Bad Day Looks Like

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 21st, 2010 at 2:44 pm

  There is a special school but that is in another county and you have to live in that specific city. Which stinks. I would send him there in a heart beat if I know that I could get him in there. Dakota goes to the public elementary school. I did try homeschooling but the state just tells you the subjects and then says you have to put in 985 hours. Well I struggled a lot because I didn’t know what to teach him exactly for first grade. I couldn’t give him the structure because I was lost myself. He didn’t want to cooperate either. I had a hard time with him. Again it’s because there was no structure. I do know that if the school can’t accommodate Dakota the way he needs to be they do have to pay to send him elsewhere. I think they have to pay the transportation costs too. They don’t have a Special Ed room that he could be in all day and just come out for recess, lunch and specials with his peers. I think he would do much better and be less stressed in a smaller group with less stimulation. The teacher asked him more and he said he didn’t want to go to music. I think there is much more to it then he didn’t want to go to music. If you say it’s time for school let’s go he gets in a frenzy. I wish he could identify the stressors and emotions. We are talking to someone who knows the school inside out to see what I can ask for further in an IEP meeting. Then going from there. I will ask the Doctor on Monday what his thoughts are if any. Otherwise I just have to sit tight and wait for the testing to be done in Madison with the Child Psychologist, Speech and Language, Occupational Therapist, and the Developmental Doctor. That could be summer before I see them.

  [Reply]

  

  Thom Reply:
  January 22nd, 2010 at 2:16 pm

  Boy the BS they make you jump through…It’s too bad you don’t know someone in that county that you could use their address. I know that’s cheating but all’s fair in love and war. Is there anyway you can get an exemption and have him attend that school?
  Thom´s last blog ..What Kind of Fabric Are You? and Brain Stuff

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 22nd, 2010 at 7:22 pm

  No they are pretty strict. I have tried to see if there were ways around it. I will know a little more maybe on Monday. We see the psychiatrist and the counselor was going to check with someone and see what more we could do. It kinda sucks that we have to wait for these evaluations. I am still waiting for the paper work. I would have thought they would have been here today. I would have started filling them out.

  [Reply]

5
• 

  Sherri said,

  I am so sorry Stacie! I am not sure I can help you much but I agree with someone else who commented. My friend’s little girl has CP and Autism amoung other things. She can’t process all her feelings. So she hired basically someone like a para to go to school with her daughter for a month. Well turns out, after 6 days of school(mon-fri 1st week and then the next mon) the para found out exactly what was going on. The school was making changes but they found out every so often they change out the para who worked with her daughter primarly. Well this 1 person really freaked out the little girl and would cause her so much anxiety it would last weeks. I know you are busy with other things, but maybe yourself or someone Dakota trusts can go and observe all day for several days in a row to see what happens while he is at school. I can’t help but thing that there IS something profound that is causing him stress and then its like a snowball effect where he can’t calm down I am SOOO sorry! I wish I could help you more….best of luck!
  Sherri´s last blog ..Just another day

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 21st, 2010 at 2:47 pm

  Dakota doesn’t have any aides assigned to him. She shares us the schedule weekly. I don’t think there is much change. I really think it’s to many kids and over stimulation. Lunch time we know is the worst for him. You ask him and he gives you a different answer. It’s hard to figure out but we are working on it now. I feel much better after I talked with the counselor that comes in. At least she agrees with me on him being in a smaller classroom.

  [Reply]

6
• 

  Trish said,

  I feel for you, Stacie. I think you REALLY need to contact an advocate to help you with this. Check with local organizations such as the Autism Society or even the ARC (they work with all disabilities).

  An IEP is individualized, meaning by law it is what your child needs to receive a free and appropriate public education.

  If he needs a self-contained classroom all day, they have to provide it or pay for him to go somewhere that has it. If he needs an aide, they have to provide it. If he needs headphones so he doesn’t get overwhelmed by all the noise, they need to provide them.

  That last one I thought of because it may be that they aren’t truly yelling at him, but he is interpreting it that way because he has trouble processing everything coming in. Or he may be registering their disapproval or even a slightly raised voice and that’s the only words he has to describe what is happening.

  I have heard that kids on the spectrum have higher levels of anxiety than typical kids who have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and I believe that is true for kids with autism no matter their functioning level.

  I know you have so many things to do, but please consider finding an advocate who can help you understand Dakota’s rights and fight for them. Many advocates are able to meet with you and attend meetings with you, and places like the ARC won’t charge you anything.

  Feel free to email me if you want to discuss more. I’d be happy to talk on the phone if you want, too.
  Trish´s last blog ..Knowing, and Accepting, My Limits

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 22nd, 2010 at 7:02 am

  Hi Trish,
  Dakota does have headphones I am pretty sure I saw them in his locker. I don’t know if he uses them or not. I did know that if they can’t accomodate him they do have to pay to send him somewhere else and they have to pay the transportation costs. I double checked into that last night. No matter what I say I don’t think they are going to accommodate him the way I want. I am trying to figure out how can I prove that he needs to be in a special ed room. The only thing that upsets me is the fact that I might not be getting into those Doctors for evaluations until summer. I am not sure the psychiatrist will recommend anything. I am going to ask on Monday though. I am also waiting to hear what one of the case managers from the county has to say. She is not Dakota’s case manager but she comes to the meetings because I ask her too. She knows the ins and outs to the school and she is very persistent in what she is asking for. I am hoping to hear something by Monday when I see our Counselor and she rides along with us to the psychiatrist. It helps when I have others on my side. I will let you know what I find out.

  [Reply]

7
• 

  Maria@Conversations with Moms said,

  Don’t be so hard on yourself. From what I’ve read, you are giving Dakota all your love and energy to make him happy. I’m sorry this is so difficult for you but I am here if you need to talk/write. You can email me if you want.
  Maria@Conversations with Moms´s last blog ..How to avoid a ticket according to a 5 yr old

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 22nd, 2010 at 7:04 am

  Thanks Maria! I am doing ok now. I am just waiting for a couple people to get back to me. Then I will proceed from there. I hope I hear something by Monday.

  [Reply]

8
• 

  Frugal Vicki said,

  Oh how heartbreaking. I wish I could help but I have no advice. I usually run to his dr. when my little man seems to be acting funny (but I LOVE her and her advice). You are a wonderful mom, though, and I KNOW you will do what is right for him.
  Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..And this is me….

  [Reply]

  

  admin Reply:
  January 23rd, 2010 at 1:43 pm

  Thanks Vicki. I am just waiting for some answers to come back to me. It will work out somehow. I just don’t know yet. LOL

  [Reply]

Add A Comment

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website

Click to cancel reply