Autism and Agression – I have had enough!!
October 19th, 2009 | 
Author: I thought I would do a little research as I have been a little frustrated lately with Dakota. He has been aggressively lately such as punching, biting, scratching, and hitting towards me. It’s mostly when he doesn’t like what he is told or he is mad about something.
I noticed he got really upset with his friend when she touched his arm. He screamed “I don’t like to be touched by others”. Then he apologized and said “I am sorry. I just don’t like to be touched”. That’s the first time I have heard it. I know he got upset with his teacher for touching him.
I found a very interesting fact about Autistic Children and Aggression. One of the common symptoms in children with autism is aggressive behavior. Aggression can occur in many different ways. Physical aggression can be directed toward you, the child him/her self, other children, or even toward inanimate objects. Also it’s not just limited to physical aggression it can be verbal aggression too.
The most important thing you can do for your child who has become aggressive is to remain clam and talk quietly. Sometimes this easier said then done. Another thing is try not to say anything as it can just increase the aggressiveness.
If appropriate remove objects that will cause harm. Ask others to leave the room to give your child a quiet space. I know have had to ask others to leave the room before. Especially when he has a meltdown.
If anyone has any other suggestions I would love to hear them. Also how do you remain calm when your so frustrated with these episodes?
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19 Responses to “Autism and Agression – I have had enough!!”
While I can’t speak for aggressive episodes relating to autism, my daughter does tend to get aggressive, and I do the same – remain calm, not raise my voice, remove others from the room, remove anything that can hurt her.
Good luck…I can imagine it’s frustrating, but it sounds like you’re doing exactly what you need to to make sure he is safe and comforted.
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Something else that shouldn’t be enjoyable. But, it is. =-.
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October 19th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Well LZ I try my best but I can’t honestly say it’s always clam or quiet. I have been trying to be better at that. When I am really mad I just pick him up and put him in his room and don’t say a word. When your getting hit it’s kinda hard to remain calm when your getting mad.
Excellent advice. I do not have an autistic child, but I think this advice holds true for any kid dealing with aggressive tendencies. My oldest boy,6, has taken to trying to punch me when he get’s mad. I don’t know where he learned it because He hasn’t seen me try to punch anything. But, nevertheless the thing to do seems to be to wrap him up and hang on until the fit has passed. Thanks!
.-= Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..If the real world were like FarmVille, I’d be ultra rich! =-.
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October 19th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
When this happened before I use to grab him and hold him until he calmed down so he couldn’t hurt himself or anyone else. It was the deep pressure that helped him relax. I guess I am just to the point where I am frustrated. Part of me just wants to blame the meds as it seems every time the meds increase he just gets worse.
I basically have to muster up all my strength sometimes to be able to stay calm. But I know that staying calm will be the best example I could set for my child. If I get really angry, I might leave him alone for 5 minutes until I calm down so he won’t see my lack of patience.
.-= Maria@Conversations with Moms´s last blog ..Is Your Blog A Secret? =-.
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October 19th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
That’s a really great point Maria! Some days I can do it and other days I can’t. I admit I am a yeller.
Fortunately, I don’t have to deal with this issue that often. When I do, it is because my son is trying to get me to give him something or wants to go somewhere. I deal with each episode as it occurs. The most important thing that I have learned with my son when he gets like this, is to not let him get his way. Once a decision has been made, I have to stick with it or he will think he can get his way if he keeps trying.
.-= Tammy´s last blog ..Parenting the Autistic Teen. . . =-.
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October 19th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
That is very true Tammy. That I have learned the hard way!
I am sorry Stacie. I wish I had good advise to give you. I have not had to deal with agression yet with Gannon. But I do get frustrated with him mainly because the lack of speech. Gannon is completely non verbal, only makes several sounds. So I think I expect him to do more…then he can….especially when it comes to communication. I often times walk away when I am frustrated to calm myself down….usually I find prayer helps me. Its so hard. I know he doesn’t try and purposely do things to make us angry, so I try and keep that in mind when I am at my limit
.-= Sherri´s last blog ..Bummer & Baking =-.
admin Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Sometimes I wonder if alot of what he does lately is on purpose. I am just so frustrated. In fact parent were outside today when he threw his folder at me. He didn’t want to walk home. Well I was going to let it blow away and he could explain to his teacher why he was missing his pages.
My friend as hard as this is you do have to remain calm during this with Dakota. Before you do anything count to 10. Immediately think of something pleasing to you…running water, a flower. Something. Get it in mind and always go there. Then speak to him. It’s tough I’m sure and I would really have to stop and think before I blew up as I know I’m capable of doing. Something else that might work. A friend of mine got sent to anger management. Yes bus drivers can be angry many times. One thing he has told me when he starts to get angry one of the things they tell him to do is rub his thumb with his second finger for a minute or so. I’ve tried it when I feel myself getting a bit angry and it does seem to help. Maybe all in my head I dunno. Just know we are here when you need to vent. We can be your outlet for that part of this. I know you love him to death and just remember that also when he gets aggressive
.-= Thom´s last blog ..The Eye Test, an Anniversary, How Bad Is The Economy? and UH Football =-.
admin Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I was so embarassed today when he threw his folder at me. I started counting for him to come back. A lot of good that did. Thankfully his teacher came out. She went over there and talked to him. Really it should have been Dakota picking up the folder and papers not her.
i hear you….its difficult to remain calm if someone is being agressive even if it is a child..
hugs and love
shraddha
.-= shraddha@theselfloveproject´s last blog ..Blogging 101 =-.
I don’t have an autistic child, but I do have one that tends to be aggressive. He has hit, punched bit, any and everything. Not only that, but he is a head butter, and now my daughter is doing it when she gets frustrated too. Since I tend to be louder and more aggressive when I am angry, I took a step back. I don’t necessarily think I taught it to him, but I did realize how I acted towards it was very important. The other day he was having one of his fits, and I was at the very tip top of my frustration level. As hard as it was, I just completely ignored it. Since me being calm didn’t help him, I pretended like I didn’t hear him screaming, didn’t hear him hitting the wall, walked away and ignored it completely when he hit me. 20 minutes later, I was floored when he came up to me and APOLOGIZED FOR BEING UPSET AT ME!! I know Dakota has his own special problems, but he is STILL just a kid. I don’t know if this is something you have tried, or even CAN try, but I thought I would offer my two cents.
.-= Vicki@frugalmomknowsbest´s last blog ..Monday’s frugal fun stuff! =-.
admin Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
LOL Vicki, Umm not really laughing but my daughter is a head butter too. She just can’t be trusted. I swear I need to wear a helmet around her. LOL I have tried to ignore him at times I do. I feel sorry for my oldest who sometimes or should I say most of the time can’t or won’t try to ignore it. They bicker and get each other going even worse. Drives me nuts.
I have a 4 year old with PDD NOS and poor speech skills so when she’s out of sync with the world it can be awful. But she’s learning how to calm herself down. It wasn’t anything I taught her. I just realized she would retreat and hide around 3 1/2 and I let her. Sometimes it was just a few minutes and sometimes like 30. We also use a weighted blanket and it helps GROUND her. She actually needs a lot of touch but mainly by me. She hates being touched by others.
It’s hard to know what to do. I try to be calm, get on her level and let her scream and cry but not be physical towards me or someone else. It’s easier for me as she’s so little.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..Days 17 & 18 =-.
admin Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
You know I think a weighted blanket would help Dakota but on the other hand the lady from the county doesn’t seem to think so. I am going to ask the school OT and see waht she things or if she has any suggestions.
Over the summer my son’s aggression was over the top. I was at my wit’s end and did a lot of research trying to find answers and solutions. I really didn’t find a lot but once school started and he got back into a better routine with very little downtime the aggression seemed to lessen.
I know it’s rough on us Moms though. Hang in!
admin Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 7:33 am
Today I was punched 4 times and called names. I deleted one of the games on xbox he will no longer be playing them. I have decided that even though he has a big brother he is ONLY going to play games for his age and that’s it. I don’t know if it’s attributing to the aggression but I will find out how this works.